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1982 - USA Directed By: James Bryan. Starring: Jack McClelland, Mary Gail Artz, James P. Hayden, Angie Brown, Ken Carter, David Barth, Larry Roupe, Carolyn Braza, Frank Millen and Tom Drury.
Aka
Don't Go In The Woods
Current Availability
Released on US R1 DVD in 2007 in a special 25th Anniversary Edition by fledgling label Code Red. Code Red's DVD (their first release) is a real labour of love presenting the film fully uncut in a very sharp full screen print complete with a wide array of extra features. The UK DVD from Film 2000 is completely identical to the Code Red DVD - uncut with the same excellent print quality and all of the same extras.
Recommended? Don't Go In The Woods... Alone! is a truly inept no-budgeter that must rank as the most technically rough film to grace the UK's infamous "Video Nasty" list. However, in a backwards way this is terrific fun with laughable editing, camera work, acting and liberal amounts of wanton bloodshed combining to make this a gory and oddly compelling so bad its good treat. Bad movie fans wont want to miss this.
Review (Contains Spoilers)
For British based horror and exploitation aficionados the early eighties were – to recycle an old cliché – both the best of times and the worst of times. In the first years of the decades the sudden popularity of home video saw a proliferation of fly by night distributors flooding the then unregulated video market with scores of decidedly choice horror and exploitation titles originating from both mainland Europe and America. For horror fans at the time this was a dream come true as they reveled in ready availability of countless titles which the British censors would never have allowed to play theatrically without extensive cuts or in some cases at all. Sadly these days would predictably come to an unceremonious end once the tabloid press whipped up a moral panic over so-called “Video Nasties”. Parliament soon reacted to the growing public outcry by passi8ng the draconian Video Recordings Act and with that the halcyon days of pre certification video ended almost as quickly as they had begun. In the fall out from the panic the Department Of Public Prosecutions drew up a list of 74 features then available on video in the UK which they deemed potentially prosecutable for obscenity. These films would gain immortal status amongst British horror fans as the official “Video Nasties”.
One of the predictable side effects of the Video Nasty panic was that in the long run it gave legendary status to several rather shoddy horror efforts which under ordinary circumstances would doubtlessly have vanished swiftly into (deserved) obscurity, but due to their inclusion on the infamous DPP list took on legendary status as “banned” films. Notable cinematic turds afforded cult status by their Video Nasty reputation include Jess Franco’s dreadful mishmash The Devil Hunter (1980) and Alan Deruelle’s awful Cannibal Terror (1980) – two truly woeful attempts by French based bad movie specialists Eurociné to jump on the Italian jungle based cannibal movie bandwagon. However of all the films featured on the Video Nasty list the most amateurish of all must surely be the cult semi-classic Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone!. Directed by exploitation journeyman James Bryan Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! represents a financially impoverished addition to the cycle of American slasher films which were prevalent in the early eighties following the runaway box-office of Sean S. Cunningham’s instant classic Friday The 13th (1980). Featuring a cast of nobodies and allegedly funded in part by the rebates given for handing in glass bottles found by the roadside during production Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! if nothing else at least enjoys the dubious accolade of being one of the most semi-professional productions ever to enjoy any semblance of lasting cult status.
Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! follows a plot fairly typical of the numerous low budget low budget slasher efforts which followed in the wake of Friday The 13th. In a remote and secluded region of dense woodland a number of individuals including a bird watcher, a fisherman, an aspiring female artist and several hikers are savagely murdered by an unseen assailant. The rotund local sheriff (Carter) is concerned by the growing number of reported disappearances in the area and resolves to keep an eye on the activity in the woods.
Meanwhile a group of youngsters Peter (McClelland), Ingrid (Artz), Craig (Hayden) and Joanie (Brown) arrive in the woods unaware of the many recent disappearances and intent on enjoying a carefree spot of hiking and camping. In typical slasher movie fashion the campers plans suddenly go horrifically awry when they are waylaid by a psychotic Wildman who lives a solitary existence in the dense darkness of the forest. The Wildman sets off in pursuit of the terrified youngsters and succeeds in capturing and killing Craig whilst Joanie soon becomes hopelessly lost in the woods and can only await her inevitable fate. However, Peter and Ingrid prove more resourceful and manage to escape the Wildman’s clutches eventually reaching the safety of the nearest town. Upon learning of their ordeal the sheriff and his men head into the woods to investigate. However, Peter and Ingrid are deeply troubled by their ordeal and soon flee back into the woods in their own desperate bid to avenge the deaths of their friends.
Without doubt Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! must be one of the most technically inept and budget deprived films ever to receive national distribution in both the United States and Britain. The editing in particular is absolutely awful with one scene cutting off rudely and abruptly then another one starting up leaving the viewer pondering whether Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone is supposed to be a cohesive feature film or some sort of choppily edited clip reel. The photography and camerawork is almost as bad with countless shots misframed and certain scenes filmed so jerkily that it is almost impossible to discern what exactly is going on. The viewer soon comes to pray that none of the protagonists dare to start running as it is a certainty that the camera will follow them wobbling around all over the place as the cameraman chases after them in pursuit. From a thespian perspective things are nearly just as bad with the cast of unknowns reeling off their dialog in flat, monotone fashion. It should however be noted that Mary Gail Artz who stars as Ingrid would go on to enjoy an extremely successful career as a casting director who has worked on a succession of mainstream hits starting with Halloween II (1981) and including The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), The Wedding Planner (2001) and House Of Wax (2005) to name but a few. This would be her only acting appearance and with all due respect it’s not hard to fathom why.
A special mention must be made for a hilariously stilted camper van love scene between Jimmy Saville look-alike Dick and his rather haggard looking lady friend Cherry which is interrupted by the appearance of the murderous Wildman. The soon to be victims’ expressionless attempts to feign terror whilst stuttering through their dialog are absolutely priceless. The viewer is also left to ponder the inexplicably sudden and diverse spate of visitors to this supposedly “lonely” and “remote” area of woodland who serve no purpose other than to provide the Wildman with a ready succession of victims. These include an ornithologist rather inappropriately dressed in bright pink (perhaps he’s disguising himself as a flamingo?) and an overweight wheelchair user who is constantly shown struggling to the summit of a steep embankment only to go rolling back down again in a crude and pointless attempt at comic relief.
Yet as dreadful as it may be in terms of its execution Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! is one of those films that for some inexplicable reason succeeds on that irresistible “so bad it’s good” level. The non-existent production values not only lead to much unintentional amusement but also accidentally lend the film a very anti-cinematic almost semi-documentary feel. In fact the combination of unstable camerawork, cheap film stock and distinctly amateur principal performances lead to Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! possessing more than a passing resemblance to Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez’s indie horror smash The Blair Witch Project (1999) although I personally find it rather unlikely that messrs Myrick and Sanchez set out to emulate this no budget debacle.
I should imagine that those seeking out Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! purely due to its status as a Video Nasty will if nothing else be content with the generous amounts of gory carnage on display. While the pauper’s budget means the make-up effects are rather limited each jerkily shot killing is accompanied by copious amounts of the good old red stuff as the woodland fiend slashes repeatedly at his victims. One particular scene in which the Wildman repeatedly slashes at the torso of a hysterical female victim suspended helplessly from a skylight is especially grisly and sadistic in its execution and perhaps offers some explanation as to why this otherwise laughably amateurish effort came to the attention of the DPP back in the early eighties.
On a lighter note the Wildman of the woods himself proves to be a rather titular creation. Whether by design or due to the lack of budget he winds up resembling a bizarre cross between Papa Jupiter’s inbred family of cannibalistic savages is Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes and the Neanderthal beast featured in the camp Joan Crawford vehicle Trog. Whatever this rather dubious loons merits may be stealth is most assuredly not one of them as he barges through the woods in pursuit of his would be victims whilst roaring and snarling like a wild animal.
It’s fairly safe to say that had it not been singled out by authorities as a Video Nasty then Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! would almost surely have vanished into the void of complete and total obscurity over twenty years ago. Indeed it beggars belief that such an utterly feckless and inept film could ever achieve any sort of lasting notoriety or reverence. That Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! has managed to retain a minor cult following twenty five years after its original release is perhaps a testament to the tremendous mystique the films highlighted by the DPP back in the early eighties gained from being tarred with the Video Nasty brush. However, when viewed now in retrospect the films many shortcomings – technical or otherwise – actually prove to be its charm and watching it for the purpose of this review I was pleasantly surprised at how easily Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! passed an idle hour and a half. The combination of piss poor editing, clueless camerawork, woefully stilted performances and liberal use of slasher movie clichés make for a truly bizarre, one of a kind viewing experience moored somewhere in-between hysterically crap docu-horror and mean spirited unintentional comedy crammed with a satisfying measure of excessive bloodshed. To use an old adage they most certainly do not make em like this anymore and while cinema purists will no doubt be turning in their graves as Don’t Go In The Woods… Alone! concludes with a jaw-dropping horror themed revision of the Teddy Bears Picnic plying over the end credits, trash movie fans will think they’ve died and woken up in bad movie heaven.
Also Try… Night Of The Demon (1980, James C. Wasson) / The Forest (1982, Donald M. Jones) / Friday The 13th / The Final Terror / Just Before Dawn / Sleepaway Camp / The Legend Of Boggy Creek.
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